Boring Saturday !!!!
I am bored !!!!!
shheeez...

I am sick again.. yup, so i stayed at home n rest these two days.. My cough is getting worse. Damn sickening.

Anyway, i seriously have no idea what to say.. No, i should say i have too mani things to say that i dont know where to start from. Ok, for one, I finally met xiao ying ! lol.. actualli she wasnt wat i expected, mayb bcos of the comments rh has on her. But she's definirely a young lady ozing wif confidence. I kind of admire her for that. I felt so kiddy in front of her. Haha. She had this mature and accomplished young lady aura around her. Faintz.
mi, lucas, xiaoying & kelly went to newsroom after dinner. Boy, they really can drink lo. I sat there like a toot head, haha. every time lucas goes to the toilet or was away from us, they both was like telling mi how fine a person he is & tt it is not easy to find such a sweet and simple relationship like urs. Lolx. Yea, i kinda agree on tt. They toast to our long-lasting relationship. Tts so funni !
After which, xiaoying sent all of us home. I was the last to alight so yea, she told mi abt her steps to career success. And i guess the most important thing she told mi is that I got to have confidence in myself and i got to believe that nothing is impossible, there will be miracles.
She told mi that in order to realise the love others have for u, u must learn to love urself first. Sounds familiar? lol.. i told that to Zhen the veri night before this.

Something to be happy about, I finally got my contact lenses ! Hee. After wearing my last pair of monthly disposable lens for dont know how many months, i know its not good. and i got my lens from a new brand - Acuvue Advance. It costs mi a whooping 384 ! so, yea i am broke. But its all for a good cause, gonna take care of my eyes. I was quite skeptical when my optician recommended mi this brand, all good comments on it and she quoted that it totally feels like nothing. Took a long time to decide on it cos the price is kinda steep.
But yet, i decided to give it a try. What she told mi was obsolutely the truth ! it really feels like nothing, and its very very soft ! I am glad my money did not go down the drain. Hee.

Ok. Yesterday, i talked to Ky on the phone. U know wat, I am doubly pissed off by wat his ex did. Its not as if Ky treated her badly, in fact, i think she's so blessed that ky was once her bf. Yes, no one is perfect. But any idiot could see that his love for her was much more geniune that the rest of the other guys. Now i know why all her exs are still tangled in a mess with her. She's simply a bitch. She simply just wouldnt let go. And, she's acting childish and unreasonable, acting as though she's the only person that have the right to be angry. I am damn pissed off by her, and yet i cant do anything to help ky. Well so, ytd i gave ky a piece of my mind. I scolded him, so that hopefully, he wont let the girl make use of him.
Stupid bitch. One fine day, Just one day, u will get ur retribution from all the fooling around.
Or maybe, when u grow up and look back, u will be sad on what kind of person u used to be, and it would forever be an issue on ur regret list.

I changed my mind about changing my blog. I am too lazy for that. I guess there's nothing i can do about it. Its my blog, so if u dont like anything written here, kindly hit the small red cross on the top right hand.
All my dear frens, pls kindly have the minimal respect that watever i blog here remains here. It's all purely my tots and feelings and i chose to blog them out to ease the frustration within mi. Seriously, i see no wrong in tt. I am a human who have tots and feelings and i cant control the reaction when you all read them. As what i mentioned in one of my previous entries, all things in life are determined by the 90/10 Principle...

Now, it seems as though I am getting more out of control of my life. I have no idea wat i wanna achieve. I tend to think alot these days, not that it isnt something good, but too much thinking sure can drive people nuts.

oh.. watever..

Last weekend, i met up wif my poly classmates and sec sch frens.. I had a new haircut and so, it equals to a new mi I guess. All said i looked very different. Yup, I wanna be different. From now on, i must have a stronger personality, i must not let people climb over my head. At the same time, I must treat my loved ones for example my mom better. I must be alittle more "clever", in terms of - I should treat those whu treated mi well.. I know i kinda changed, but i hate people who take mi for granted and i am not going to be so stupid to let that happen again.

Notice that i did not quote my brother under my loved ones.. Well, simply bcos i think he doesnt give a damn about mi. The other day, his childhood fren, Kengyang came over. It suddenly dawned onto mi that Kengyang was more like a brother to mi. He even msg mi asking mi to be careful when i am going out.

20 years of blood relationship, n i did not receive any of those kind from him. Tell mi, How the heck am i supposed to feel close to him?

Never mind about that. The other day, I managed to clear things up with him. I cried alot, bcos I felt hurt by the way he handle things. And the next day, he proved to mi that he is not responsible even to account for himself. Its scary to think of it, how am i supposed to feel secure? Then again, I love him so much that I think i could never let him go..

oh.. brudders..

I am in my pesky moods right now !!! I did not go work today cos i overslept... n i am glad i did.. i just need some time alone..
this is the last post for this blog..
Sorrie ppl.. gonna go private... dont even bother come asking mi
if i wanna say i will tell u automatically..

Why did i even post a blog online.. tts cos i am lazy to get a diary..
and most of my frens knows tt not everyone in my circle of frens have the address..
Shouldnt i get a little respect when i entrust the address to my frens?

Ytd after my work, i met up wif beng, elaine, wee, rh, cindy and dill at clementi for dinner..
Just a question.. why is it always mi??
Doesnt means tt i am always smiling means tt u all can climb over my head n say wat u all wan...
Everyone has their own limits.. I just dont wan to arrive at a time where i flare from the snowballing effect.. I can go crazy.. just like wat happened betw mi n my mom..
u can say i m petty.. but u urself should know whu is more..
u can say its all a joke.. but let mi tell u this... a joke is not a joke anymore if it is always mention.. n when it goes overboard..

Why did i overslept today?
cos i slept veri late last night.. I was thinking.. I cant blog everything out.. though i wanted to.. cos i feel tt any moment i might just explode..
Waited so late for a phone call.. my eyes were so sore alreadi.. I ought to be slping rite? but yet i stil waited.. n i received it.. oh yea ! i should be happi rite?
all i heard was some high n almost seh voice..

u know wat.. i am veri disappointed.. I tot u were so diff.. Mayb i expected too much.. all i wan is just some respect at least informing mi of ur whereabouts before doing anything.. n i am not a difficult woman.. i m ok wif everything.. u should know it..

Guys will always be guys hur....

hehe.. i did a new blogskin all by myself !!!
cool hor ! Its all about mi n dear haha..

anyway i m just back from sushi!! yummilicious..
tot i wont be meeting up wif my dear for these few days le..
His stupid camp got live firing.. Ji dan.. lol..

But i stil managed to see him!! cos he finished everything early..
Haiz.. My slipper broke again.. Great rite?
Its like dont know how mani times le.. Faintz.. Had to go around looking for my shoes..
I know Dear's veri veri veri hungry le.. cos he looks veri restles.. Ops.. Sorrie wor..

Met up wif Spenc, Wee and Charlene at Funan..
Bth that Spencer.. Laugh until my stomach veri pain lo...
But dont dare say out.. if not my Dear's gonna scold mi again..
Hee..
Wah.. He realli fiercer to mi le.. Ji Dan !! lolx..
But i know he is not.. cos everytime he tries to look angry.. he is smiling in his eyes.. haha.. its so funni ! I am gonna snap it down next time ! Hehe..

//Will u love mi till the end of time?
Can i be selfish and stop the time?
So that i will always be loved by u..

lol.. taken from charlene's gal blog.. cos i think its interesting.. Muahaha.. a series of "If I were"

If I were a month I would be: erm..October!
If I were a day of the week I would be: Friday! Last day of work..
If I were a time of day I would be: Dinner time? dunno..
If I were a planet I would be: earth ba..
If I were a animal I would be: erm.. doggie! cos my dear loves dog.. so means he loves mi too! haha..
If I were a insect I would be: ee.. i dont wanna be an insect.. yucks !
If I were a direction I would be: eh? up! dont ask mi why..
If I were a piece of furniture I would be: A big comfy cotton king size bed!
If I were a historical figure I would be: dont know la.. siao..
If I were a liquid I would be: plain water
If I were a tree I would be: coconut tree ! cos if i see anyone disturb mi.. i will just drop the coconuts onto their heads ! muahaha..
If I were a flower/plant I would be: white roses.. they are beautiful (i want to be beautiful also!) haha..
If I were a kind of weather I would be: bright n sunny weather.. my Fav!
If I were a musical instrument I would be: my piano in my room..
If I were an emotion I would be: erm..the emotions of a psycho? i wan to know n understand wats in their minds haha..
If I were a color I would be: pure white..
If I were a vegetable I would be: baby tomato ! cos it looks cute!
If I were a fruit I would be: mango! my dear loves them.. haha
If I were a sound I would be: the sound of harp.. it magically can calm ppl down..
If I were an element I would be: carbon! cos it can do alot of wonders!
If I were a car I would be: Lamborghini! chio! lolx..
If I were a song I would be: Come What May.. I super love this song!
If I were a movie I would be directed by: erm.. Lucas Chan! Muahaha..
If I were a book I would be written by: Lame.. -_-
If I were a food I would be: Sushi.. Hehe..
If I were a drink I would be: Orange Juice
If I were a place I would be: Kai Xin's Paradise.. lolx..
If I were a material I would be: Silk.. Satin.. Love the feel.. =)
If I were a taste I would be: eh.. Spicy Hot ! haha..
If I were a scent I would be: Ralph Lauren Romance for Ladies..
If I were a word I would be: I.. its the most common & useful word..
If I were an object I would be: My piano..
If I were a body part I would be: The eyes !!!
If I were a facial expression I would be: My smile.. n onli my smile ! haha.. cos i love my smile (^o^)
If I were a cartoon character I would be: Sakura! she's got beautiful clothes..
If I were a shape I would be a: Star... Hee.. Beautiful..
If I were a number I would be: 2!! dont ask why.. its my fav..
If I were a toy I would be: erm.. i dont wan to be toy.. doesnt sounds nice..
If I were a brand I would be: haha.. My Brand !
If I were a country I would be: Hawaii (tts not a country rite) watever..
If I were a light I would be: Sunlight !!
If I were a somebody I would be: Noone.. I dont wan to be somebody else.. cos my dear onli loves mi n onli mi! haha..

kk.. end of the crazy n bo liao answers.. lol..

I just got something to say...

I Love My Dear so much !

Its as if some confessions.. lolx..
Kinda had some misunderstanding with him.. I made him angry.. n i know its entirely my fault.. Everything's resolve.. =)
Both of us think that there's really something wrong with mi recently.. Its as though i got split personality.. I can just be quiet suddenly..
Mayb I am just bothered by my family.. I am so glad that he is there to support mi and shower mi with all his never-ending love during this time..
After a serious tot about wat the hell is wrong with mi this morning..
I voiced out watever's on my mind the first thing when i woke up..
I am just afraid that I might take him for granted in the future..

n I realised something.. all these mths.. I have been whinning about all the mishaps in life.. Mayb its time i do something about it.. Everything is in my control..
If i want a better life and a better family, I have to work hard towards it..
n of cos i want to be a better gf for him, I got to pull myself together..

Yup ! No more whinning ! (Mayb jus an occasion of venting, tt will do)

//
Anyway, meet my boi after my work today.. Acc him to the doc.. cos my dear baobei's got rashes!! =( Veri sian to see him getting frustrated over the itchiness & i dont know wat to do..
To make things worse, I wont be able to see him and take care of him for the next 3 days.. sad.. so I made him promise that he would eat his med on time n drink lotsa water,etc.

Acc him to pack his stuffs back camp.. Stupid boi.. Play with my hair clip.. Ha.. got scolding from his mom cos he keep disturbing mi.. lolx..

Went to buy some stuffs n back home !.. zzz

// Its bcos of your love, that i start to realise myself..
n bcos of this realization, that i want to change myself..
Not for you, but for myself
bcos I want to create a beautiful future for us..

Time for some updates.. Away with all the unhappy moments.. was just browsing thru my phone.. so uploaded some pictures..

At clementi pool centre some time ago..
see tt weird being behind mi slping?


and now he's trying to eat mi up !!!


Hee.. now thats a normal photo.


ooo.. spencer is aiming at mi !!! shit..


Think i wasnt blogging normally for the past few days isnt it?
Well, was in a veri down period of time.. but i got over it.. with the help of my frenz and my darling.. I know he's trying hard to be here for mi.. cos he's busy wif his work as well..
Actually, the one wif the most credit is a book lol.. i read an inspiring book.. the author realli make mi sort out all my tots.. and i look at troubles in a diff way now.. They come... and yes.. they will go away too.. so the key is how to make them go away faster and in the meantime survive this period..
A very brillant book.. its wif Spencer now.. cos i tot he might like to read it.. lol.. he says its a great book! haha..

I really couldnt really rem wat happened.. lets start wif thursday..

//Thursday
i guess i was really in one of my foul moods.. couldnt understand why.. not in the mood to even pick up my dear's calls..
so i made him quite worried.. n he tot tt he was a lousy bf cos he couldnt be there for mi..

Well, i told myself.. after a night's rest i will be ok..

//Friday
resolved everything wif dear.. I guess i realli was honest wif him.. i realli told him wat i feel.. But that did not spark off any argument, =)
went home after work.. dead tired.. couldnt meet up wif him.. cos he got to watch a soccer match as instructed by his camp.. dumb sia.

But nevertheless, he stil came down to find mi after tt.. so i accompanied him to dinner.. hee.. and last min.. i asked him to go out.. cos erm.. well.. i just feel like going out.. lol..

we went to ktv.. and he's hooked onto a new song.. lol..

//Saturday
stupid.. i wasted one whole damn day.. why? cos my father did not keep up wif his words.. he wasnt home at all.. n no words from him.. idiot..
I woke up early in the morning wif dear.. and he send mi home..
and yet i rot at home the whole day just to get the feeling of being dua..

in the end.. after some discussion wif wee.. we suggested going over to jerm's hse to stayover.. But last min just as i was abt to leave the hse.. its cancelled... then its changed to spencer's hse..

went to eat dim sum ! yummi.. lol.. n was discussing wif feng shui wif wee n spencer.. before long.. all of us ko le.. zzzz

//Sunday
woke up damn early ... faintz.. cos spenc need to work..
so i went over dear's place.. haha.. he look so gong when he just woke up.. Muahaha.. so funni !!!

woke up in the afternoon n accompanied him to his soccer match.. i wasnt looking at him play at all.. cos i dont understand n i dont know where is he.. haha.. so i just sat there reading magz.. lol..

Dear cook fried rice for mi !! haha.. yummi.. =) slacked awhile at his place then i went home ... yawnz ...

//Monday
Boring day at work.. due to the shifting.. work is at a super slow pace this week.. n i bth man !
went over to our new office during lunch.. n i get to choose my seat.. ahha.. chose a seat in a secluded area away from my boss !! Muahaha.. and my colleagues treated mi to lunch..kaoz.. i feel so pampered by them sia..
went back and continue packing our stuffs.. last min suddenly there's another whole cabinet of documents not packed.. i nearly fainted man..

after work.. met up wif dear at bouna vista.. went up to ronghua's hse.. then mi rh cindy n dear went over to blk 40 to meet up wif the rest..

went to partyworld..
Pictures !!
haha.. i like this photo !!! see tt stupid dear of mine behind mi.. lol..


Lingzi !!! She zhi nian.. lolz..



Mi n Lingzi !!! Sweetz ritez.. =)


thats mi !! lolx.. =p


my dear singing..lol.. he sing until veri tou ru hor!


mi... my dear singing.. wee... n zz's shoes?


marcus n zz... haha... this photo is funni..


mi n dear went off early.. cos my eyes were not feeling veri dry..

//Tuesday
----Happi National's Day----
haha.. my dear said that i was having nightmare last night.. lolx..
woke up veri early, accompany him to work.. lol..

Slp the whole day.. lol.. and now, i am all alone at home... My dear's involved in National Day..

My jaw hurts like hell.. its like swollen.. lol.. think its heatiness...
faintz..

..I miss my dear..

I AM DAMN FRUSTRATED NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ARRRGGGH.. I JUST WANNA VENT ALL MY FRUSTRATION ON MY BLOG.. COS THERE'S NO ONE THERE TO HEAR MI OUT...

NOW MY PHONE IS GONE.. ALL BCOS OF MY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE BROTHER...

AND THE COM CAN BARELY FUNCTION AT A NORMAL SPEED.. ALL BCOS OF HIM !!!!!!!!! ANY IDIOT WILL KNOW TT A COMPUTER DEFINITELY WONT HAVE THE CAPACITY TO HOUSE 4 HARD DISK.. AND HE JUST PUT ALL OF THEM IN... WHY?? WHY IS HE SO BRAINLESS.....!!!!

IMAGINE MY FRUSTRATION WHEN I COME BACK AFTER A LONG WEEKEND, TO FIND MY PHONE GONE AND MY COM IN ITS CRAZY STATE...

I REALLI FEEL LIKE MURDERING SOMEONE NOW... IF HE WAS TO BE PRESENT NOW.. I M SURE I WILL JUST THROW STH RIGHT SMACK IN HIS FACE..

PUT UP WIF ALL YOUR NONSENSE... ITS TIME TO GROW UP.. DONT U THINK?? STIL TT STUPID N SILLY KID LEAVING IN UR WORLD?? ITS NO WONDER U CANT GET A GF... WIF A CHARACTER LIKE URS.. NO ONE CAN STAND U.......

&*^$*&#^&tg98UR9&*(@#g&#t&&*^@^#@br&^t&^t g##(*&*&$& @y&@^#&@*&b*&$^$$

k.. enough of venting... the above is purely my frustration vent on it.. i send out a msg to him.. scolding him on how inconsiderate he is.. and just as i guessed, he dare not reply.. bcos i can realli get mean and heartless if u really go beyond my limit...

so, dont ever try my limit.. i think i might just murder someone in the future.. bcos of the snow-balling frustration tt keeps building within mi over the years...

right.. i m just frustrated n out of my mind..

Stupid day..
Busy day..
Stupid work..
Stupid boss..
Stupid shifting..
Stupid files..
Stupid company..
Stupid cramps..

I am really having some stupid life..
I am having stupid attitude recently..
I know i am closing myself up.. bcos of the hurt i keep receiving.. I wanna protect myself.. I dont wanna be hurt anymore.. So whoever that comes asking wat happens to mi.. Thanks for being concerned..

Ky : I know u meant well.. Its been a long time since we caught up wif each other.. I know u are concerned.. kept probing mi why am i so closed up.. why am i so negative to life now..
I know i made u feel useless as a fren.. but i just dont wish to say..
Thanks so much for being there for mi.. Thanks for making the effort to at least sound mi out.. asking why i am so sian n all.. appreciate it.. I will keep u, this great fren, forever in my heart.. =)
Cs : Ha.. dont say i did not mention u.. certified my loyal blog reader ar.. Anyway, thanks so much for ur encouraging words.. Know tt u care.. and wo xin ling le..
For everyone else whu did wonder or ask : Dont even bother coming to ask.. cos I wont say..

Sad to say.. I dont realli trust anyone anymore.. So i have only myself to pull myself up.. I believe i can do it.. Right now, I just wanna have some quiet time to myself.. I am really tired of my life.. I am tired of myself.. My attitude.. my character.. everything about mi.. I realli need some time to "restructure" my inner-self..
I need to get the positive mi back..
I need to get the cheerful mi back..
I need to get the kind mi back..
I need to get the forgiving, motherly mi back..

I need to get rid of the negative mi..
I need to get rid of the dull and grumpy mi..
I need to get rid of the rude and unpleasant mi..
I need to get rid of the villain mi..
Where are all my virtues gone !!!???

n i hope this coming weekend wont be terrible..

took a day off ytd.. overslept.. so freaking tired..
but actualli its cos my dear also off ! haha.. wanna spend time wif him.. hee..
Practically did nth the whole day.. He watching Naruto.. and i slping..
zzzzzz..

Today's a busy day at work.. Susie's no longer wif us.. so it means no one there for mi to consult if i meet up wif difficulties.. I dont wanna ask boss cos everytime i ask him.. he sure say dont know ask mi solve myself.. -_-"" comparing the amt of time he had been on the job?
Met up wif my dear for dinner.. He got rashes.. damn.. realli dont know wat i can do to help.. kinda helpless..

got home.. talked to rh.. was thinking about wat happened for the past few weeks and months.. kind of reflecting on my life, my attitude everything.. I feel miserable that some things are beyond my control.. But i'm gonna learn from the setbacks and make each experience count..

Right now.. i think i am a lousy gf... a lousy daughter.... a lousy fren...